pulling me under

I was reading the sla literature and started thinking about myself and my problems. Reading that I was worthy of love and was loveable hurt to think about. Just thinking about my problem brought on strong feelings of depression and loneliness. It doesn't feel like something a rational person would do. I get pulled into a pit of despair and fear. Desperate for love and fearful that I will never get it. In the literature somone says that the more progress the make the stronger the old feelings come back. I feel like I take two steps forward and then fall into a bottomless pit where fear and depression overwhelm me. It doesn't last that long like it did in the past. I guess that in itself is progress. My mind keeps telling me that it is hopeless and I can't do it. I have to keep at it and never give up. I have to ride out the bottoms and pull myself out of that pit of despair. I wish that pit would have a bottome and that the bottom would keep getting closer to the top.