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 Hard to get up this morning but i felt pretty good when I got up. Went to meeting last night. The thoughts were there but pretty weak. I started reminding myself that they aren't real. That it all takes place in my mind. I talked to a lot of guys at the meeting. I know most of the guys in tpot and I talked to several. It feels good to be known and to be available to help in anyway that I can, listening and talking. sometimes reassurring. One of the guys asked to go with him and a couple of others to eat after the meeting. I wasn't really up for it, mostly because of the money issue (i don't have much). He insisted so I went and just talked I didn't eat anything. It was good to get out. Food seems to be an issue for me. I use it for comfort and I guess anxiety relief. I tend to eat very often, snacking a lot especially during work. I eat even when I am not really hungry. I imagine it is a way of coping with my depression, which seems to be much better the last few days. I still think too much. I find that I am constantly thinking about what I am going to say. I do this during conversations and when I anticipate talking to somone. It seems to be worse when my depression gets better. It's strange to do that so much especially when it isn't necessary. I worry that I will say the wrong thing and get somone mad or that somone won't like me. In reality everyone thinks I am a good guy. The only reason that bothers me is that people talk to me but they don't seem to want to socialize with me. I'm sure that it is all in my head and i tend to resist socializing anyway. I think I feel uworthy and wonder why people would want to do things withe me anyway. Big self-esteem issues. One of the girls I know got nine months on wednesday and she I asked me if I wanted to go to Starbucks with her friends after the meeting. I atomatically said I had to get up at 5am so I can't. It came out without me even thinking about it. I guess I still have a lot to work on. It seems anxiety replaces my depression although it isn't as bad as it was even a month ago.