unsettled

Went to the barbeque. Brought my new camera that I haven't used yet. Didn't take pictures because I wasn't having a good time, but it was ok. Bought the camera mostly so I could take pictures and post on facebook to show how great my life is and how much fun I was having. I guess that is what I was trying to convice myself of anyway. I  felt uncomftorble driving to barbeque with three other guys in the car. I don't feel safe being in close quarters with guys. I have flashbacks and I guess I am afraid it will happen again. feel powerless. helpless. depressed. unworthy. unloved. alone.