productive

Yesterday turned out to be a good productive day. Slept for about 20min before going to a new meeting. First time in that fellowship. It was not what I thought at all. I found people that had the same issue that I do. One guy had been sexually abused as a child and has always had trouble getting close to people. He has only been in one relationship his whole life. I have only had four realtionships my whole life. My relationships have never been healthy. I started the relationships to have sex. That was my primary purpose. I also have a need to "rescue" women I think need my help. When in a realtionship it dominates my life. I think about it constantly. What my partner is thinking why they haven't called me. Do they really love me? Why would they love me? I hadn't thought about my first relationship that much. I was 16 at the time. I can remember being very senstive about being touched. I didn't like being touched especially my stomach and below the waist. I hadn't thought about it in a long time. I always thought of it as being tickleish. I know realize it was something elses entirely. I remember it frustrated my girlfriend because I would ofter recoil from her touch. She had to be careful where she touched me. I'm sure that's why I have boundry issues today and I feel very uncomftorable when somone is too close to me. I feel vulnerable and it triggers flashbacks. I feel pretty good today. Finding people that can understand and help with my problems is a great comfort. I have a couple of phone numbers and I can call and talk to somone that understands.