hope

I have hope today. The day had its up and downs and I still had flashbacks but talking to a lot of people has really helped. I talked to somone I met yesterday in the new fellowship. I was able to open up with him about my sexual abuse in a way that I didn't think I could. He was very non-judgmental. He also has been throught it so he understood what I was talking about. The more people that I can talk to about my core issues the more I can pull myself back up. My self esteem was actually good for a short time. Then it happened again. If I can lengthen these periods of time I may be able to feel good about myself for a whole day. I have been paying more attention to my emotional state during flashbacks. This helps me to identify my triggers. I do know that when I see a guy adjusting himself or scratching himself it triggers flashbacks. I remember specific sex acts that took place during my sexual abuse. I have hope today and the more I believe in myself the better things will get for me.